


I can't not

by misssushicat



Series: The simple ways in which to love a man [3]
Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: AU: everything is fine, Clay doesn't exist kind of?, Language, M/M, Sexual Content, cuz I never liked him, mention of Gemma/Tig
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-10-05 14:22:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17326646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misssushicat/pseuds/misssushicat
Summary: “I’m old, Juicey.” Chibs voice was a low rumble, almost inaudible in the quiet night.“What?” Juice snaps his head over to look at the other man. He seemed tired all of a sudden, like he needed the railing to hold him up.“I’m gettin’ old.” Chibs keeps his eyes locked in the distant sky. “And I’m tired.”“Do you-” Juice starts.“And I shouldn’t. I really shouldn’t lad. But I can’t not.”





	I can't not

**Author's Note:**

> Just a bit of explanatory stuff:  
> 1\. I've just deleted Clay out of this entire fic cuz he's gross and I don't like him.  
> 2\. Jax is prez.  
> 3\. Gemma is a single lady with a bitchin' house and there is something going on between her and Tig.

Juice sighs, letting the hot water spill over his body, washing away the sweat and grease from the day. After finally finishing working on the Ford he had taken his bike home for a quick shower and a change of clothes before he needed to head over to Gemma's. He scrubs his face roughly, trying not to let his thoughts wander to the coming dinner. Before everything, he had always loved going over to Gemma’s for dinner, getting together with all the sons, with his family. Now he felt nervous, still not sure how he would try to keep on fitting in with them. Washing the rest of his body he feels his thoughts touch on another reason to why he feels nervous about the evening. Closing his eyes, he can still feel Chib’s chest against his own, pressing into him softly. He swallows dryly, shaking his head to try and chase the thought away. No, he was not going to go there. It was nothing, he told himself getting out of the shower. Just nothing.

***

Pulling a clean white t-shirt over his head Juice can hear the unmistakable sound of a motorcycle engine roaring outside his building. 

“What the?” He shuffles over to the window, peering out onto the street. An all too familiar Harley glides into the parking space at the small complex, and Juice feels the fluttering of feelings he’s tried to keep at bay come crashing back again. What the hell was Chibs doing there? 

He watches as the man gets off his bike and walks toward the building, and then there’s a knock on the door. Juice’s heart skips a beat, and his chest feels tight again, something fluttering in his stomach. Unable to do anything but open the door, since Chibs can clearly tell that he’s home by his own bike parked right outside, he lets the front door swing open.

“What are you doing here?” He’s not sure how the question comes out, probably more hostile than he means, so he tries to smile to take the edge off. He’s not annoyed that Chibs is there, and he doesn’t want the other man to think so, even if it would probably be easier that way.

Chibs looks him over. “Well hi to yer too.” He leans slightly at the door frame. 

“I didn’t mean-” Juice starts, but the Scotsman interrupts him, waving his hand lightly.

“No worries lad. It’s me showing up unannounced, not the other way ‘round. Just thought yer wouldn’t mind the company.”

Juice’s brain then does something that he’s not unfamiliar with; it short circuits. He just stands there, looking at Chibs, and he doesn’t know what to say. He wants to tell him that his company is at the same time the last thing he wants and everything he wants. That he needs him by his side during this. Not just the dinner, but during everything. The long days at the shoppe, the rambling escapades when he’s too drunk for his own good, in the morning by his kitchen table. He wants to tell him this and more, but he does not know how to start to say any of those things without risking to lose what he has now, so he just looks at Chibs, silent, a slight panic rising inside him. 

“Don’t get so worked up about it.” Chibs straightens up, no longer leaning on the door frame. Juice thinks he can see a faint tint of pink on the scotsmans cheeks, but his tone is sure as ever. “It was on my way. C’mon Juicey-boy, we don’t want to be late. Gemma has and will kill for that.” At that he turns around and starts walking toward his Harley. Juice doesn’t say anything about it, but the thought that Juice lives in the complete opposite direction to Gemma’s house lingers in his mind the whole ride over.

*** 

“Finally you’re here, come in, the food’s getting cold.” Gemma ushers them inside swiftly, managing to give them both a kiss on the cheek at the same time. “Sit, sit.” She gestures for them to take their seats, Juice ending up having Bobby to his right and Chibs on his left side. 

“Sorry love, that bloody car delayed us.” Chibs says, making the prospects squirm uncomfortably in their chairs, the memory of Chibs scolding fresh in their memory. 

“You finished it?” Piney chuckles. “I’m impressed, it looked like shit last I saw it.”

“Aye, me and Juicey-boy here got her all sorted.” Chibs bumps his shoulder softly into Juice as he speaks, making Juice look up, meeting the scotsmans gaze. 

“Right.” Gemma takes her seat and looks out over all of them. “I know some of you wondered if there was anything special I wanted to talk to you all about tonight. And there is.” She smiles. “But I’m gonna keep it short and sweet.” She raises her glass, looking lovingly over all of them. “Thank fuck that drug business is over and done with, and that you all are still here. Cheers.” 

The sons all raises their glasses to her, some of them thinking back to moments where it had all come a bit too close for comfort, how some of them were more lucky than others to still be sitting at that table. “Cheers.” 

The faint stinging of half-formed tears in his eyes, Juice can hear Chibs low voice next to him as they all raise their glasses to her, the sound traveling down his spine and settling in his stomach. He’s lucky, he knows that. Lucky to still have all his brothers, lucky that Jax still accepted him into the family, lucky that all the other sons didn’t know. Gemma’s words had touched him, not only because he was lucky to still be there, not only because without them he wouldn’t know how to me anything at all, but because he loved each and everyone around the table fiercely, and if something would have happened to any of them he would have gone mad blaming himself for the rest of his life.

***

Hours later Juice felt warm and comfortable. The food had been amazing, as always when it came to Gemma’s cooking, and the men were all satiated, the alcohol making them loose and happy. Bobby cracked yet another joke, probably the hundreth of the evening, and the table erupted in laughter once again. Juice laughs with them, starting to feel like everything was slowly going back to how it used to be, the beers and whiskey taking the edge off everything. 

“Look at him.” Juice feels Chibs breath ghost over his ear, his warm breath sending tingles down his neck. Chibs nods toward Tig, sitting on Gemma’s right side. “He hasn’t taken his eyes off her the whole ‘nite.” 

Juice chuckles at the sight of him, Tig looking almost enthralled with her, probably not even aware of how obvious his looks were. “You think he’s gonna make it happen?” Juice looks over at Chibs, fiddling with his beer bottle to keep his hands busy. 

“I dunno.” Chibs keeps his eyes on Tig, a small furrow visible between his brows. “I dunno if she’s ready.” He lets his gaze land upon Juice, looking like he’s searching for an answer in the Puerto Ricans face. “But if she is, I’m sure they’d be good for each other. Aye?” 

Juice felt himself looking down at Chibs lips, then back up again. “Yeah.” He breathed out. “They would.”

“Hey Juice!” Jax hollers from across the table, making Juice jump, almost spilling his beer all over himself. Chibs hand shoots out, steadying him in an instant, his hand wrapping over Juices firmly. 

“Jesus, don’t scare the boy half to death.” Chibs glares at Jax. 

Jax laughs, raising his hands up. “Sorry man.” He nods toward the three prospects sitting at the end of the table. “It’s just these guys are curious to how Tig got that bite mark on his ass.”

Juice feels himself blushing. “It wasn’t-” He starts, but gets interrupted by an hollering Tig leaning so far over the table that he knocks a wine glass over, earning a dirty look from Gemma.

“You fed CRYSTAL to a fucking DOBERMAN Juice!” 

The table erupts in laughter, and although embarrassed, Juice feels himself being dragged in by it. Letting it bubble up inside him he laughs alongside his crew, and it feels so good to be there, laughing with his brothers again. Feeling Chibs hand brush against his own before the scotsman let’s go fully, he never wants to think about leaving any of them ever again.

***

“C’mon.” He pulls on Chibs sleeve. The alcohol was searing through his blood, making him feel at ease. “I could use some air.” He tugs on Chibs sleeve again and then gets up, walking toward the terrass doors in the living room. They had all abandoned the table by now, the sons being scattered all over the kitchen and living room as the music grew louder and the night darker. Gemma had seen so that some of the regular girls had stopped by, sure to give her boys a pleasant evening. She didn’t usually want them all in her house, but tonight she’d made an exception. 

Out on the terrass Juice takes a deep breath, the cool night air filling his lungs, the smell of summer unmistakable. 

“Are yer alright Juicy?” Chibs had followed him closely, looking him over with concern. 

“Yeah. I just needed-” He stops himself for a moment, unsure of what actually drove him to bring Chibs out there with him. “I just wanted-”

“It’s alright lad.” Chibs raises his hand as to place it on Juices arm, but seemed to change his mind half way and let’s it drop. He sighs deeply, leaning onto the railing that surrounded part of the terrass, and looks up at the night sky. There were no stars visible, the city lights were too bright for that, and Juice wishes that they were somewhere else, somewhere they could look up and see stars scattered all over the sky, painting it with silvery specks. 

“I’m old, Juicey.” Chibs voice was a low rumble, almost inaudible in the quiet night.

“What?” Juice snaps his head over to look at the other man. He seemed tired all of a sudden, like he needed the railing to hold him up.

“I’m gettin’ old.” Chibs keeps his eyes locked in the distant sky. “And I’m tired.” 

“Do you-” Juice starts. 

“And I shouldn’t. I really shouldn’t lad. But I can’t not.” Chibs eyes searches the sky as Juice waits for him to continue. His body feels on edge, like it is preparing him for whatever Chibs will say next. He grips the wooden railing, wanting to keep steady. “I can’t not.” Chibs whispers. 

“Wha-” Juice is interrupted by a blast of music as the terrass doors swing open, Bobby leading a fair skinned redhead out, his one arm slung over her shoulders. 

“And out here, my lovely, is the wonderful garden.” He explains to her, and she giggles as an answer. He leans in, whispering something in her ear that Juice can’t, and probably doesn’t want to, hear and leads her further into the garden. “As you can see it’s quite lovely at this time of night.” 

“Jesus.” Juice shakes his head. “Another redhead. Why am I not surprised?” He smiles, looking over at Chibs, seeing the other man quietly looking him over, looking like he’s contemplating something. Chibs takes a step closer and Juice can feel his heart beating heavily in his chest, the smell of the other man slowly filling his space. If he could just dare to reach out-

“I need to go.” The words rushes out of Chibs mouth, thick with his accent, and Juice suddenly finds himself alone, watching Chibs as he walks away. 

***

Hours later Juice was finally home. Kicking off his boots and tugging his shirt off, he collapses on the bed. After Chibs left him on the terrass the scotsman had quietly said good night to Gemma and then disappeared from the party before anyone could notice. Anyone but Juice, that was. Sitting on the couch besides Jax and Tara he had seen him slip out the door. He had thought about going after him for a second, but quickly eliminated the idea. If Chibs left, that meant he didn’t want company. Right? He sat up in his bed. It did mean he wanted to be alone right? He felt a tug of panic in his stomach. What if it didn’t? What if he had waited? Expected Juice to- His thoughts were interrupted by a short knock on the door, startling him. Juice can feel his hands tingle, his body feeling less than stable as he gets up and makes his way over to the door. Could it be?

Chibs stands outside his door, swaying slightly, his breath hot with alcohol. His eyes are dark, looking almost black in the lack of light and Juice can feel his breath rasping in his throat at the sight of him, suddenly short of breath. 

Chibs shakes his head, taking a step forward, instantly crowding Juice with his body. “I can’t not.” His voice rumbles, and the moment later his lips are on Juice. Chibs grabs his cheeks, letting his thumbs graze Juice’s jaw, pressing his entire body onto him as he slips his tongue into Juice’s mouth. Juice moans, grabbing at Chibs’ back, and feels himself being backed into the apartment as Chibs walks forward. Pinning Juice onto the wall he moves his mouth to Juice’s neck, scraping his teeth over his jugular as he presses his crotch into Juice. Juice can feel his already half hard dick being pressed into Chibs thigh, and he moans again, letting his hands grab Chibs ass, squeezing tightly. 

“Fuck Juicey.” Chibs kisses his neck over and over, letting his lips trail back to his mouth. His hands caressed Juice’s naked upper body, seeming unable to stop them from roaming freely over him. “Yer a feckin’ masterpiece.” 

Juice feels like his head is spinning, groaning as Chibs grinds his crotch into Juice again, feeling that the scotsman is just as hard as he is. He grabs at the bottom of Chibs shirt, tugging it upward so that he can get his hands under it, finally feeling Chibs naked skin under his hands. “Take it off.” He pants out, letting his teeth scrape over Chibs bottom lip. “Please.” 

Chibs quickly complies, grabbing the back of his shirt by the neck and tugging it off swiftly, and then pressing his chest against Juice. “Better so, lad?” He kisses Juice’s shoulder, letting his tongue swipe over the soft skin. Juice grabs Chibs neck with both hands, guiding his mouth back up to meet his own, and kisses him deeply. Chibs moans into his mouth and Juice pushes to move forward, backing Chibs up toward the opposite wall, pressing his entire body onto Chibs, grinding his painfully hard dick into him. 

“Fuck Juicey, yer gonna kill me.” Chibs pants, digging his fingers into Juice’s biceps, pulling him even closer. Juice huffs out a laugh, and he can see the skin at the corners of the scotsmans eyes crinkling as he smiles too. 

“Hope not.” Juice says, leaning in to catch Chibs mouth again, letting his hands find their way downward, quickly tugging Chibs belt and fly open, and wrapping his hand around him. Chibs head rolls backwards, and his jaw goes slack, a divine moan escaping him as he feels the Puerto Ricans hand stroking him tentatively. 

“Jesus.” Chibs hips bucks and he shudders, leaning his head forward to rest his forehead on Juice’s. Their eyes locked, Juice can see that Chibs pupils are blown, his eyes looking darker than he’s ever seen them before. He kisses him again, letting the slow strokes of his hand match the pace of the kiss. Chibs hands are firmly placed on Juice’s wais, his fingers digging in hard enough to bruise, and he moans into Juice’s mouth as Juice works his dick more surely now, giving him just a bit more pressure with his hand. 

“I want you to fuck me.” Juice’s voice is low, vibrating softly in his chest, but he knows that Chibs hears him from the sound that the man emits. Chibs flips them over, all but growling, and holds Juice’s face with both his hands as he kisses him fiercely, pouring all the emotion into that one kiss, leaving Juice gasping for air. 

“Another time, laddie.” Chibs kisses him again and again, and Juice almost doesn’t register what he’s saying.

“Another-” Juice starts, interrupted by the Scotsman’s tongue in his mouth again, hot and soft and oh so delicious with the faint burning of scotch still there. 

“Aye, another time. Right now, I need to do this.” Chibs yanks on Juice’s pants, quickly catching his nipple in his mouth, sucking it for a second as he bends his legs, falling onto his knees in front of Juice. Juice sucks in a sharp breath at the sign of this, Chibs on his knees, tugging his pants and boxers down, licking his lips as he sees Juice’s dick. Without a moment's hesitation he leans forward, taking the tip of Juice’s dick into his mouth, letting his tongue drag over it before he takes the rest of Juice in. Juice moans are shamelessly loud as Chibs mouth is on him, and he fears that his knees are going to give out when he whines Chibs name, earning a low rumbling moan from Chibs, the vibrations being enough to send Juice over the edge.  
“F-fuck, Chibs.” His hips shudder as he comes hard, and he can’t take his eyes of Chibs as the man sucks eagerly, swallowing every last drop. Juice is sure he’s never seen anything hotter in his life.

Juice slumps against the wall, grabbing at Chibs to drag him up to his mouth, kissing him breathless, the taste of himself on Chibs tongue almost being enough to get him hard again. He kicks off his pants fully, hauling Chib towards his bedroom and pushing him down onto his bed, pinning Chibs beneath him. 

“Jesus lad.” Chibs huffs as Juice covers his chest with kisses, sucking and nibbling on his nipples. He works his way down, pulling the rest of Chibs clothes off and finally, finally, taking Chibs in his mouth. He sucks hard, hollowing his cheeks out, relishing in the sounds that Chibs makes, that he causes Chibs to make. He works him with his tongue, never wanting to stop hearing those sounds. Chibs whole body is tense as he bucks off the bed, scraping his short fingernails on Juice’s scalp as Juice cups his balls, squeezing ever so slightly, letting his thumb press into the soft flesh just below, and as Chibs shouts out his name Juice can taste him filling his mouth, Chibs hips moving by their own accord, chasing his orgasm. He swallows hungirly, not wanting to miss anything as Chibs spills into his mouth. 

As he swallows the last drops he can feel Chibs pulling at him, hauling him upward to connect their mouths again, kissing him slowly. There is less heat in the kiss now, but it’s sure and steady and chases away any doubt that wants to creep into Juice’s mind. Chibs sighs contently as he pulls Juice close, letting Juice nestle into a comfortable position on his chest, his nose pressing into where Chibs neck meets his shoulder. They don’t say anything. They just breathe in sync, letting their chests rise and fall together, staying like that until Juice gets chilly and Chibs pulls the cover over them, holding Juice close as they both drift to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> SOOO *nervous laughter* whaddaya think? I'm exploring writing sex scenes so I apologize if this is cliché or just bad, lol. I can't tell anymore. 
> 
> Please tell me what you think! It really helps. And thank you for reading!
> 
> Unbetad!


End file.
